We have gotten a lot of interesting questions and comments since starting this whole Journey. I thought it would be good to address 2 of the more common topics.
Why don't you just "just" adopt?
This is a very frustrating question for me and we have been asked this a lot lately. Why doesn't everyone adopt? Why don't you adopt instead of having biological children? If anyone else told you they were trying to get pregnant naturally, would you ask them why they aren't just adopting? Probably not...
Adoption is a wonderful option that many couples and even single people pursue. You never know, Brian and I may choose to adopt down the line even if we do conceive biological children, but we should not feel any more obligated to adopt than other couples. The desire to carry a child and give birth is something many women feel. We wait for the day those 2 lines show up on a pregnancy test. We imagine telling our husband or partner that we are pregnant. We think about how happy our parents will be to learn they will be grandparents. Brian and I have talked about what our babies will look like. We imagine they will have blonde hair and blue eyes, just like both of us. If we have a little boy I hope he looks just like his daddy. I hope they have Brian's calm disposition and his ability to see the best in absolutely everyone. Will our kids love superheroes like their dad or dream of spending all day at the barn taking care of horses like their mom? These are things anyone who desires to have children thinks to themselves.
Asking if someone has considered adoption is obviously just an honest question, but asking why we don't "just" adopt is something entirely different.
Well it could be worse!
If your advice to everyone going through hard times or facing something difficult is, "it could be worse", do you think "it could be better" every time something happy or exciting happens? Yes, it could be worse! We could be facing one of there severe cases or EB where children often pass away before adulthood. We could be faced with the fear of passing on something different like Huntington's or Alzheimer's. The fact that it could be worse, does not negate the fact that we are trying to prevent extra pain that our children may need to suffer.
Brian's mom has told me stories about when Brian was a baby and growing up and how EB changed the way he was raised. He was born with a single blister on his thumb and within hours more had popped up. He developed blisters on his gums from bottle feeding. He didn't crawl much and seemed to go straight to walking as crawling covered his knees and legs with blisters.
Brian played football for one season and while he loved the game, the pads and uniform caused such sever blisters and pain, he did not play another year. He was in boy scouts and enjoyed backpacking with the rest of the troop. As you can imagine, carrying a large backpack on his shoulders created blisters that are permanently scarred.
A few years ago there was a story about a family who was asked to leave a Golden Corral restaurant. Why? Because the sores on their 2 daughters arms were disturbing the other customers. They were worried they had something contagious and it was making them uncomfortable. Those little girls had EB. I can't imagine explaining to any child why they were being asked to leave in the middle of their meal because someone didn't want to look at them anymore!
These are not things that anyone wants their children to go through, including me. So yes, it could be worse, and it could be so much better. There is a way to prevent a very painful condition! I believe that is a miracle in itself! We have the opportunity to stop EB in the Retzlaff family forever. Once our children will be born EB free, they will not be able to pass it on to their children. It will be done!
I am not trying to come off as rude or make anyone feel bad for asking questions. Keep them coming! Keeping everyone informed and answering questions was the entire purpose of this blog. We were asked again just the other day why we wouldn't just adopt, so I felt it necessary to share our thoughts with everyone.
-Emily
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